CERCASI FANTASMA, AFFITTO A 900$

Su segnalazione di Vittorio, stagista all'Ansa alla disperata ricerca di una casa come me.
Questo finto an-nunzio deve essere opera di un altro poveraccio che cerca da giorni una stanza ed è stufo di leggere sempre gli stessi annunci. Dopo settimane sprecate a visitare topaie, si è dato al giuoco della scrittura. Buona lettura.

$900 Wanted: Ghost to rent our closet

Super nice small room for rent to the right person! The room is actually a small closet, but it is very warm and cozy and perfect for someone who only needs somewhere to sleep. It doesn't have a door, but since I am up all hours of the night and day, I have put up a nice curtain to block out the light from my room. Unfortunately, it doesn't block out the noise, but I will include with the rent some FREE high-tech earplugs that work very well.

The room is semi-furnished, some storage boxes from the other roommates have been arranged in the shape of a small half-twin bed. there is no heat in the room, but you can use the blankets I am storing in the closet and you will stay plenty warm!

The room is private, but you will have to go through my room to get to your room. Because of this, it is understandable that you must arrive at night before 9 pm and leave after 7 am, unless I sleep in, then you cannot leave until after 1 pm. Also, since there is no door, you must be quiet, non-smoker, non-drug user, non-drinker, non partier, non-crabby, non-snorer, non-pet owner, non jehovah's witness, and non-hairy.

Bathroom facilities are not included with the rent. Luckily, there is a 24-Hour McDonalds across the street, and if you ask nicely, they will give you the key to use the bathroom. The bathroom there is a one-person private restroom, equipped with soap and towels for your convenience. Also, since you will not be able to use our kitchen, you can get your breakfast, lunch, and dinner there at the same time you use the restroom.

As part of the deal, you must clean for 4 hours every week. Rooms to be cleaned are the rooms of the other 15 people that live in the apartment, the bathroom and kitchen. Also the bathroom of McDonald's across the street.

you will not be allowed to bring friends over, or especially a boy/girl friend. You can, however, meet your friends in the basement of the building, provided you do not disturb the neighbors or the girl who is renting the large recycling bin. you cannot have a pet unless it doesn't bark or meow, doesn't have hair, and doesn't eat, shit, or drink.

the rent is $900 a week, with FREE utilities. You must also give a $1800 deposit in cash (first and last week's rent), as well as 2 references, 3 paystubs, 2 valid id's, one student id, your grandmother's wedding ring, and your first-born child (must also be female.)

This is a 16th floor of a walk-up building. It is located in a great up-and-coming neighborhood near NYC. It is only 6 blocks from the subway, which will get you downtown in only 1hour and 55 minutes with only 2 train transfers and one shuttle bus. The shuttle bus runs hourly, except on weekends, when it runs twice a day.

PLEASE REPLY WITH A DESCRIPTION OF YOURSELF ADDRESSING
THE POINTS MADE IN THIS AD + YOUR BACKGROUND, AGE,
PROFESSION, SCHOOL , SCHEDULE, GOALS, ETC
The more thorough your description the better, as it
will serve as a “preliminary screening”. Due to the
overwhelming amount of responses, I will only reply to
those who put an effort into their introductory email
addressing the points listed in the ad. I will not
contact you if you just write your name and number,
please put some effort into your email.

Thanks for your interest and I look forward to meeting my new "roomie" soon!